6th July 2013 – You know you are in trouble when you are cutting the split ends out of your hair.
I am doing anything I possibly can right now to avoid reading through my most horrible first draft ever. Not even Anne Lamott can help me.
In her book on writing, Bird by Bird, Lamott writes about a horrible fear that she will die before she gets to correct and read over her ‘shitty’ first drafts. I have that fear right now, but far from encouraging me to rush in and correct the mistakes, I have been paralyzed by the god awful mess of it all. The task is surely too huge to ever be finished. I am doomed.
I am doing my nails and I have cleaned the house. I am not busily re-reading my ‘shitty’ first draft. I am paniced and I am sitting on Facebook, I am reading posts by Sarah Wilson, I have started gardening. I am emailing my family and I am planning dinner for tomorrow night.
I am meticulously sorting through my dry brown hair, cutting my split ends out. ‘I’ll just get this finished’, I tell myself, ‘Then, I’ll get stuck straight into my draft.’ – Oh, that horrible 50 000 word piece of crap of a draft. I am 100% sure that every single sentence and word needs to be written again. Oh god – it is all in passive voice! – It is all told not shown! I am so freaking out. I am panicked.